The Bipolar Itch and Waiting to Exhale

There is that itch you get that you can’t scratch.  Its in the back of your brain, deep  in your heart or locked in the fathoms of your soul.  Bipolar can make you see things, but how does it work in relationships?  I have been Waiting to Exhale, and for those who never saw this Whitney Houston gem of a movie back in the 90s its about women waiting for that infamous shoe to drop where we meet the man of our dreams.

To be honest, I think I am feeling a bit restless.  That great love seems like an exercise in futility.  It almost seems barren, like my uterus.  Yeah I said it.  My ex got his ex pregnant twice and in the 5 years we were together, Nothing.  It is a blessing.  I didn’t want a kid by that douchebag anyhow.  But I digress.

I am in a state of extreme ease.  Like the calm before the storm.  Maybe all the drinking has numbed me out.  Yeah I picked up the bottle again, after a few months of taking it easy with it I started drinking again.  Fuck I just deleted three sentences.  God what in the fuck. Stupid laptop.  What a waste of money, this piece of shit.

Fucking mundane life.

The bipolar itch.

Maybe that Skype sex date I have later will wrestle me out of this.  Did I forget to mention I started cyber fucking one of my close friends?  Yeah.  He makes me beautiful.  At least someone does.  But that’s for another time.

The bipolar itch.

The Virginian.  Waiting to exhale.  I honestly don’t think he is the one.  I am settling again. I know I am.  Too much in my head.  Waiting for that other shoe to drop.  Dam,  I need to make sense of all of this.

Stay tuned.

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