Sometimes, just sometimes, we wake up and say today will be better. God will hear my prayers today and everything will be just fine. Then we find out our dreams and hopes have been crushed and the days just kind of run together. I am blue. Gutted from the inside and out again.
Bipolar haze. My psychiatrist is getting on my last nerve. He wants me to do all these tests. Just give me my scripts and leave me the fuck alone please? I don’t want to face the world. The next few days are going to be hard. He is all I think about. I am totally and utterly obsessed. How do I deal with a man like this? This is hard. So vague. So closed off. He wants to be alone. I am too available. He doesn’t miss me like I miss him.
I wish I didn’t feel. I don’t want to feel. The universe is calling out to me. God its cold. Take me away. Take me from this life. I want to go. I don’t want to be here. I feel so trapped, so caged. All I ever wanted was a man’s love. I am never getting that. I am putting my heart and soul into this and getting nothing back. In relationships one will always take more than the other. And then the other is left with an aching emptiness that time and space won’t heal.
Take me. Oh take me.