Plunging in my heart. I am here again. Loving so hard and so fast that I want to die. Bipolar. Pills. Do I go to my psychiatrist and tell him to give me something else? Or do I fight through this. Feel it. All of it. I want to be taken. Off this Earth. It’s the same old story. So much pain. What is this? Why does it hurt so bad? Feel it. Feel all of it. Let it kill me. Let it consume me. Feel it. Like a dagger. Like a dagger.
Want to be better. Don’t want this. I am envious of people that don’t feel. Live life through their texting, Facebook, and laughter. Marriage, children, careers, and I am left behind. Can I have all those things? Where am I in this life? 35 years, 10 years in total darkness. Sex, alcohol. Drowning in pills. Like a dagger. Time, sneaking up on me. Like a predator stalking me. Why does he have teeth? Why is he biting down upon me. Take me from this life. This hell. Do I find Jesus? Will he be my salvation if I turn to him. I am too far gone into my hell to find him. Like a dagger. Take me aliens. Take me up, change my brain. Show me what I am capable of. Make me an artist. Make me something more than myself. I feel like nothing. Drowning. More pills. Bipolar. Fuck. Just take me and kill me.