Tonight. Where to begin. For those that know me, my weight is a big issue. Something that has been holding me back. Living life. just….living. So caught up in my head. Fucked up with the Bipolar and the Depression where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Tonight. I had cam sex, which I haven’t had in a while because of my soulmate the Virginian. And tomorrow I am seeing my other soulmate upstate. Yes I have more than one. D, my ex I believe will be forever in my life, my rock, my solid ground, my lifemate best friend. The Virginian is more of a romantic nature, where he could be my husband and lover forever in time.
Anyway, the cam sex. I got into it again thinking shit I am forever going to hell. This is sin at its worst, almost like picking up some random guy and fucking him. Anyway, after it was over I get a message from someone I haven’t heard from in 5 years. Fuck, has it been that long. And what do you know, this friend had tried to get with me all those years ago, but I wasn’t hearing it. Anyway, he lost a whopping 114 pounds!! Fuck. That’s got me thinking. Blogging at 3:15 a.m.
This makes me think of the universe. Fate. Circumstance. The way people just show up. Its a sign. I can’t be that stupid that I don’t see it. Its there staring at me in my face. Going to see a man I once loved that I haven’t seen in two years, as well as hearing from someone I haven’t heard from in 5 years who has lost 114 pounds, where my weight is my biggest issue. He is there for inspiration, I just know it. Has to be. Just has to. The cam sex, that I said I wouldn’t have again, because of my love for the Virginian. All in the same night! Fuck. Pay attention!! Fate. Circumstance. I can see it in the stars. The universe is speaking to me. Pay attention.
What will the next chapter be? This is only beginning. Stay tuned.