Fate, Circumstance, Soulmates and the Stars

fateTonight.  Where to begin.  For those that know me, my weight is a big issue. Something that has been holding me back. Living life. just….living.  So caught up in my head.  Fucked up with the Bipolar and the Depression where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Tonight.  I had cam sex, which I haven’t had in a while because of my soulmate the Virginian.  And tomorrow I am seeing my other soulmate upstate.  Yes I have more than one.  D, my ex I believe will be forever in my life, my rock, my solid ground, my lifemate best friend.  The Virginian is more of a romantic nature, where he could be my husband and lover forever in time.

Anyway, the cam sex.  I got into it again thinking shit I am forever going to hell.  This is sin at its worst, almost like picking up some random guy and fucking him.  Anyway, after it was over I get a message from someone I haven’t heard from in 5 years.  Fuck, has it been that long.  And what do you know, this friend had tried to get with me all those years ago, but I wasn’t hearing it.  Anyway, he lost a whopping 114 pounds!! Fuck.  That’s got me thinking.  Blogging at 3:15 a.m.

This makes me think of the universe.  Fate.  Circumstance.  The way people just show up. Its a sign.  I can’t be that stupid that I don’t see it.  Its there staring at me in my face. Going to see a man I once loved that I haven’t seen in two years, as well as hearing from someone I haven’t heard from in 5 years who has lost 114 pounds, where my weight is my biggest issue.  He is there for inspiration, I just know it.  Has to be.  Just has to.  The cam sex, that I said I wouldn’t have again, because of my love for the Virginian. All in the same night! Fuck.  Pay attention!!  Fate. Circumstance.  I can see it in the stars.  The universe is speaking to me.  Pay attention.

What will the next chapter be?   This is only beginning.  Stay tuned.

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One Response to Fate, Circumstance, Soulmates and the Stars

  1. Stefanie says:

    You have a LOT going on in your head right now….

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