New Year Full of Promise

angelIt was definitely a rough start to the New Year.  Christmas was good with the family, and as I type this I wonder if I have any followers left.  The bipolar has been kicking my ass and with this new job its really making me look hard at my life.  I have been talking on and off with someone I have known for a while now, and things seem promising for the New Year. I have never done a long distance relationship before, and I am wondering if that is something I can do.  People say it never works, but fuck those people.  I have to do this.  This has to work.  Please God let this work.  That’s a lot of pressure.

He is in Virginia and I am in New York.  We are both basically broke with big dreams of running away together.  But we are cautious, we have to meet in person first to see if anything is there, which is very scary to me.  All of the guys that have met me in person these past couple of years have been completely turned off, and complained of “no spark.”

Last week, I spent my last $200 paying for a carpet cleaning bill to get my vomit out of my friend’s carpet.  Gross.  That’s how my life has been.  Vomit, pills, alcohol and misery.  But somewhere there is a ray of hope.  I hope to God, I straighten myself out.

This thing.  We call Life.  It amazes me.  I have lost touch with many people I was close to. My penpal I used to write to hasn’t written to me since May.  I haven’t spoken to S since October although she sent me a message in December that I didn’t get till now.  I hope she reads this so she knows I am alright.

So many people have gone out of my life.  But there have been constants.  My ex is still in my life.  Has it been 5 years since I have had sex? I will be 35 this year.  God!  I should have been doing so much more with my life.  Oh well, another year come and gone.  Lets look forward to the new one!

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