I have read definitions of the word “soulmate” and very few describe a wife or husband or even boyfriend and girlfriend. Its the most important person you will ever meet. Someone who is in your life to stay forever. The one that knows all of your flaws and accepts them in every possible way. We are not perfect, we just fit.
I describe him as a lost soul. I have no idea what his inner workings are, he is very much closed off. He is complex and very much a loner. He loves nature and wants a cabin in the woods to live all by himself like a hermit. Very much the anti-social type, he has one other friend other than me. My mirror image. My equal. I love him so very very much. He is attractive to me yes, but I can’t fulfill my sexual desires with him. The love extends much more than the physical.
In therapy, I have learned to understand the complexities of our relationship. A mate doesn’t necessarily mean that you will romp around the sack with this person for the next 50 years, but that you can tolerate each other enough that when life is in your face you don’t want this person out of yours.
This society is fucked. Superficial, shallow, Tinder swiping, Picture whoring, Sexting, empty motherfuckers. I don’t fit in this world. I am not pretty anymore. Men do not look in my direction. No one will ever find me attractive enough to date in my present condition. Hopefully with the help of a nutritionist I can change the physical around for the better. But with him its just us. Enjoying time together. No one will understand it, and its fine. He does not fulfill my sexual appetite, but he is everything I want in a man. At group therapy yesterday, a girl was speaking with her counselor and I overheard some of their conversation. She said she was profoundly lonely. Guys coming in and out of her life. That’s where I was at. Before I met my soulmate.
People throw that word around too much too. He bought me a ring, he is my soulmate. She gave me the greatest blowjob she is my soulmate. Blah. What a fucked up world we live in. Yes there are people out there who are lucky enough to find the whole package, but I am not one of them.
Spinning around in the cycle of bipolar and depression along with having no job and career and pretty much failing at everything I put my energy in, I have to say he is my constant and the only good decision I made by keeping him in my life. He may never be in love with me, but through his actions and dedication to me he truly is my other half.
I have never thought about it, but maybe the reason I haven’t found someone is because its not my time yet. I have to lose this weight, I have to find a job, and I have to move to a more secure place with my family. Some major life changes are in store so honestly I don’t want to meet anyone right now. My soulmate is all I need.
My definition of soulmate:
“A person that puts up with your worst qualities. You can whine, complain, be a nag and he will still answer his phone. He will call you all the time to see how you are. If you have to go out he will understand and let you be. You can be silly and extremely stupid and he will laugh along with you. When you cry or something happens he is the first one you call and he will be extremely supportive. You can be completely unreasonable and he will listen and understand. He will ALWAYS pick up his phone and get back to you. He is completely dedicated to you”.