The mundane. The every day. I lay in bed for hours on end, crippled by my lack of motivation and utter despair. Brighter days have come. They are so small that they are not even worth mentioning. My experiences with the soldier have taught me that I am a beautiful woman that deserves happiness. Such a hard statement for me to make.
He has finally left my life and as I look back on that chapter, all I can do is smile. My faith in people and humanity has diminished due to the overwhelming shallow and pretentious individuals that have come into my path lately. One can only hope in the glimmer of light.
My grandfather passed away last night. He slowly let my grandmother die last year and he paid for it by spending a year in the hospital and nursing home as a complete vegetable. His body functions were completely healthy but he wasn’t able to speak or open his eyes. The ultimate punishment. The ultimate revenge. But there were horizons overhead for him as he passed on to another plane of existence.
My time will come. But not yet. Not yet.
He is out there. He may be on a mountain, like the man I met online last night. Or he may be in Afghanistan fighting for our freedom like my soldier that has left my life.
I am not alone.
My time hasn’t come to experience the utter true love. Th real love. The ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.
When I think about suicide I think what I will be missing out on. All the experiences I have yet to live.
My time hasn’t come to leave this planet. Not yet. Not yet.