So I am working on my self-esteem. The depressive side of the bipolar is slowly fading away. Thanks to the help of my wonderful mom and sister and even the help of an actual date with a guy from OKCupid. He wasn’t interested of course, and of course I thought it was because I was fat and ugly. But that just isn’t the case. Some people are just not attracted to others for whatever reason.
Since joining the group program my life has changed. So many doors have opened. I am sleeping better, and I no longer feel so much dread like I used to. I also met someone at the group program. He is cute but I am not head over heels attracted to him. It would be nice if someone had a crush on me, but that is just too much to hope for. This new guy like the OKCupid guy seemed interested in me at first then the second time they saw me they changed their minds. Is it the lighting? What makes them change their mind about me? That’s something I have been pondering the past few days.
Anyway, this new guy from program I am unsure of. I am not attracted to him, but I think he would make a great friend. It feels kind of awkward to me because I have never really hung out with male friends. And that’s all he looks at me as. Just a friend, when the other day he thought that something might develop, now he changed his mind. Seriously, what is it about me?
But tomorrow is my family reunion. I am going even though I thought I was too fat and ugly to go to anything. But this time, I don’t know things are different. Things are definitely different now. And even though I basically got rejected twice it wasn’t heartbreaking because I wasn’t really attracted to them either. I guess I will have to wait and see. Also, the fact that I am kicking this bipolar’s ass, is a huge accomplishment.