So, its 1:45 a.m., day three after our second date that I thought went well ended. He saw how fat and ugly I was the second time around. The first date was great but he saw how ugly I was the second time that’s why he rushed through it. I tried to make it as nice as possible, by taking him to the park, playing the flute for him, and trying just to be the best I could be for him. But he decided to be an asshole. Or I was just so hideous that the second date was too much for him. Well fuck him. I am beautiful.
Very conflicting isn’t it? Well, I will get back to that.
Today was the most perfect day. I spent it with my sister and my mom. We went to the beach and I swam a bit in the ocean. I laid on the sand and just listened to the waves. Then we went to dinner and I enjoyed some wine and some girl talk. Then we walked around the mall they have there and I bought an amazing purse. It has a lot of “bling” on it. Its awesome! Then we went to the mall by my house and I picked up an amazing pair of sandals to go with the purse. I guess its time to get my toes done too. Then we went home together and tried on clothes and laughed about life and everything. They talked me into going to a family reunion next week, which I thought I was too ugly and fat to go to. But not anymore.
The point is my friends, life is showing me something. It is giving me positive gifts and helping me to embrace the light. I have such horrible self image issues and now they are slowing starting to subside, because yes God I am paying attention. Thank you for showing me God. Thank you for helping with some of the answers. I am not at 100% confidence or even 50% but I am a hell of a lot better than I was before. Maybe the guy just changed his mind and it wasn’t me. Maybe he is busy. Who knows? Whatever the reason is I won’t let his rejection destroy me. I am strong. I am beautiful. God thank you for helping me to embrace the light.