Stillness. Can we do it? I can’t meditate. I have never been able to. Racing thoughts, so many things I’m thinking about running through my mind. I blame the dam internet. The damn Paltalk I am addicted to.
My group therapy started. And there were a couple of groups on meditation and spirituality. Its a very good program. But as I sat in one meditation group I couldn’t get into it. I was into it for about 10 minutes but the last 35 minutes were so excruciating. Then I thought to myself it wasn’t me, it was the clock I was so concerned about. I was being timed and I wanted to go home.
So today, I went outside in the backyard of my house with the intention of reading some WordPress posts and listening to some New Age tunes on this wonderful commercial free internet radio app called Earbits, where its all independent artists (which is just fine because I am not crazy about mainstream stuff anymore). Anyway, I’m out there on a swing listening to this New Age music and I decide I am just going to swing for a bit and just listen to the tunes.
Then something happened. Stillness. Enchantment. Enlightenment. I stopped swinging and listened to the music and the environment around me, (the volume was on low). I saw the clouds above me. My eyes closed and opened slowly as I took it all in. Birds flew by as I concentrated on this one cloud and watched it move slowly through the sky with the wind. The Earth stopped. I saw little beads of light swirling around as I concentrated on the cloud. They were like little pieces left from heaven speaking to me. My eyes were heavy so I closed them and began to swing again. Then a huge breeze flowed past me and I stopped swinging to feel it. It was all around me. The Earth stopped again. Stillness. Enchantment.
All that I was worried about melted away. No more obsessing. No more worrying about some internet people or looking for a man. No relationship or love making could have given me what I achieved today. A great epiphany.