Pretty straight forward. I can see “it”. He is sitting chatting with me on cam and every time he gets up for a drink, “it” is there staring at me. His dick. Not flattering. But I am fascinated. How is it the he and I are having a private conversation when he is fully nude and there is nothing sexual involved? It baffles me. He exudes confidence, which I wish I had. He is fully aware and basks in his nakedness. It doesn’t even make me feel uncomfortable. Until he talks about clits and asses. That doesn’t happen till the end of our conversation because he is getting drunk and he is naked, so eventually he will get horny. I knew it was coming, so I made my quick exit.
I am shocked by this though. How can one chat naked and not want sex, or some sort of cyber play right up front? I guess anything is possible. I am not naked of course, but I am wearing a low cut tank top, with no bra. I know he is staring at them, but we continue to talk anyway. Every time he gets up he says “close your eyes for nudity” how cute is that?
This however put me in a dilemma. When I first started this blog I wanted to use it as an outlet to talk about my cyber sex exploits. But they haven’t been as important in my life as I am battling bipolar and depression. I have issues. Yes I do. I am completely confident with my body and showing off parts, when I don’t show my face. When they can’t see me, I can become the biggest vixen/whore you can imagine. Why do I have so much trouble attaching my face to this persona?
It peaked my interest. I was looking at this naked man, and a part of me just wanted to take my top off. But then I knew he would get sexually aroused. I am a prude in my online persona when my face is attached to my chats. Like I am exposed in a way that makes me feel cheap or used. Yet when I am using them when I am faceless, cumming, making them cum by showing my body or moaning on mic, it becomes easy as second nature. Dam I’m fucked up. I am online looking for love sometimes yet I have this part of me that wants to get off, more often now. Part of me really just wants to find a nice guy to talk to, maybe have a romance or relationship if he lives near me. But the other side of me just wants to cum. I can’t bridge the gap between the romantic side and sexual side of myself.
I know if I talk to this naked man again he will want something from me this time. But can my romantic persona that has my face attached to it handle it?