Just Don’t Feel Like It…

Giving_UpEver had one of those moments?  You just don’t feel like it?  Its not even a numb feeling, its a total “fuck it” moment.  That’s how I am feeling right now.  Got a message from a guy on OK Cupid this morning.  Fuck it.  I don’t feel like it.  I don’t even feel like trying anymore. Nothing is wrong with the guy.  He’s cute, seems nice, and seems just like me.  We could be a perfect match.  But shit.  I don’t feel like it.  I don’t want to even try.

Does this mean I have given up?  I’m not too sure.  Went drinking last night.  Dam did I overdo it.  I took a shot.  I never do those, they upset me.  But man it felt good.  Talked to S, for the first time on the phone last night.  God its so good to have a good friend who understands me to talk to.  I have so grateful to have her in my life.  I think we could really become life long friends.

So, I have so much to live for, so many good people in my life, why do I feel like crap? What is it?  Do I love D. that much?  I can’t get over my ex-boyfriend is that it?  Is it the bipolar, or am I just depressed?  Aw hell who knows.  I can’t let this beat me though.  I have to be strong.   I have to pull through.  Oh God, if you’re out there grant me the courage to make it, to see the good not the bad, to move forward and accept myself.  I need it.  Self-acceptance.  Or am I too far gone for that?  Help God.  Please help.

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One Response to Just Don’t Feel Like It…

  1. Stefanie says:

    You’re just depressed. It’s normal. It’s okay. You’ll get through it. And the “fuck it” feeling isn’t a problem. Take a break from it all. That’s where I am; you know that. Obviously I have trouble taking my own advice, but we both just need to be ourselves for a while.

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