Ever had one of those moments? You just don’t feel like it? Its not even a numb feeling, its a total “fuck it” moment. That’s how I am feeling right now. Got a message from a guy on OK Cupid this morning. Fuck it. I don’t feel like it. I don’t even feel like trying anymore. Nothing is wrong with the guy. He’s cute, seems nice, and seems just like me. We could be a perfect match. But shit. I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to even try.
Does this mean I have given up? I’m not too sure. Went drinking last night. Dam did I overdo it. I took a shot. I never do those, they upset me. But man it felt good. Talked to S, for the first time on the phone last night. God its so good to have a good friend who understands me to talk to. I have so grateful to have her in my life. I think we could really become life long friends.
So, I have so much to live for, so many good people in my life, why do I feel like crap? What is it? Do I love D. that much? I can’t get over my ex-boyfriend is that it? Is it the bipolar, or am I just depressed? Aw hell who knows. I can’t let this beat me though. I have to be strong. I have to pull through. Oh God, if you’re out there grant me the courage to make it, to see the good not the bad, to move forward and accept myself. I need it. Self-acceptance. Or am I too far gone for that? Help God. Please help.