So I hit a milestone. My 100th follower. To most that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me it is. I have rambled on here on and off for a year now, and it actually looks like some people are reading my “ramblings of a lunatic mind”. What do I have to say about that?
The reality is this. 11:25 pm on Sunday night hoping a guy from Eharmony emails me back. Maybe he’s busy, maybe he’s tired, maybe he thinks this bitch is crazy. I have shared a lot of myself with this person the past few days, and even flirted with the notion that he might be “The One”. I have spent the last two hours reading the blogs of several individuals who are in the online dating pool like I am, and there have been some good happy endings and horror stories. What is with our generation anyway?
They call this generation the generation of the Millennials. I am barely one, (flaunting my 1980 badge at you). I was born right on the dot of the age of the Millennials apparently. But here I am age 33 and the clock is ticking. I have no potential boyfriend and I am not getting any younger. I thought online dating was for the sad and desperate. Well I have been sad and desperate on and off for the past 10 years and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere.
Maybe I should go outside? Nah, too hard. I am too fat to be around normal people. Yeah I said it. Two hundred pounds. That’s a mountain. I wish I could do something about it, but the damn bipolar keeps getting in my way. I want to throw away all the medication and become fucking manic again so I have the energy to lose this weight. The Haldol mellows me out. Yeah I’m not a lunatic anymore but I am FUCKING lazy! I realize I should have capitalized LAZY, but I chose the word fucking instead. Subliminal messaging right there….hidden meanings…..twist and turns….this feels like a date.
Dating, where do I even begin to climb that mountain. Hair, makeup, I will probably have to separate my eyebrows. Fuck. I haven’t dated anyone since my horrible date in November. Six months since my last date? Has it been so long? Fuck. Again. I don’t know how to approach this. What do I do?
Well back to being bipolar. Think I will pour myself a drink. Fuck it.