Milestone….The Good The Bad and the Bipolar

Centenarian birthday candles spell out '100'So I hit a milestone.  My 100th follower.  To most that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me it is.  I have rambled on here on and off for a year now, and it actually looks like some people are reading my “ramblings of a lunatic mind”.  What do I have to say about that?

The reality is this.  11:25 pm on Sunday night hoping a guy from Eharmony emails me back.  Maybe he’s busy, maybe he’s tired, maybe he thinks this bitch is crazy.  I have shared a lot of myself with this person the past few days, and even flirted with the notion that he might be “The One”.  I have spent the last two hours reading the blogs of several individuals who are in the online dating pool like I am, and there have been some good happy endings and horror stories.  What is with our generation anyway?

They call this generation the generation of the Millennials.  I am barely one, (flaunting my 1980 badge at you).  I was born right on the dot of the age of the Millennials apparently. But here I am age 33 and the clock is ticking.  I have no potential boyfriend and I am not getting any younger.  I thought online dating was for the sad and desperate.  Well I have been sad and desperate on and off for the past 10 years and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

Maybe I should go outside?  Nah, too hard.  I am too fat to be around normal people.  Yeah I said it.  Two hundred pounds.  That’s a mountain.  I wish I could do something about it, but the damn bipolar keeps getting in my way.   I want to throw away all the medication and become fucking manic again so I have the energy to lose this weight.  The Haldol mellows me out.  Yeah I’m not a lunatic anymore but I am FUCKING lazy!  I realize I should have capitalized LAZY, but I chose the word fucking instead.  Subliminal messaging right there….hidden meanings…..twist and turns….this feels like a date.

Dating, where do I even begin to climb that mountain.  Hair, makeup, I will probably have to separate my eyebrows.  Fuck.  I haven’t dated anyone since my horrible date in November.  Six months since my last date?  Has it been so long?  Fuck.  Again.  I don’t know how to approach this.  What do I do?

Well back to being bipolar.  Think I will pour myself a drink.  Fuck it.

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