So its pretty much a bust. The guy from the Geek 2 Geek site was a total waste of time. I made the mistake of getting to know him first. I spent about three weeks on the phone with him, talking and texting and really starting to like this guy. We made plans to hang out at his place in the future to watch movies and play video games. He was very much a geek like me. I thought it could work. It worked out well with my ex, by doing it that way. I guess my strategy worked with one and not the other. What a complete waste of time.
First of all, he looked nothing like his picture. He was just not attractive at all. Now granted I am not innocent either. I know I look nothing like my pictures either. I just photograph really well and I can’t help that. I was honest when I told him I was 200 pounds, he could have been honest and told me he was overweight too, that way it wouldn’t have been a total shock to me.
The date was PAINFUL. Painfully awkward. And I could tell he was disappointed. My depression part of the Bipolar is kicking in. I feel it creeping in. He still hasn’t called or texted me. I feel a bit of relief that he is just going to disappear off the map. He still hasn’t defreinded me off of facebook. I think I will give that a week more before I delete him.
It feels awful and I don’t know why. Why does it feel terrible to be rejected by someone you didn’t even find attractive? Did I get that ugly? Was my almost bald head the clincher? I have lost a lot of hair over the past couple of months. Not even a trip to the salon helped that. Being female and losing your hair is worse than being a man and having it happen. At least they aren’t considered freaks. Is it because I am so fat? Whatever it is, it is shaking me to my core, and I am falling into a deep depression. I don’t feel like getting back out there and trying again. I don’t feel like exercising. I don’t feel like doing anything.
The repulsion was mutual on both our parts. It sucks to be me. Fuck this whole dating shit. I will just be alone forever.