Do you often feel that you are missing out on life? That it is just passing you by? Welcome to my world. Yesterday, or should I say earlier this morning I couldn’t sleep AT ALL. The one pill of Trazodone wasn’t doing anything, so I decided to take two more. Boy did I pay for that! I slept from 10am until 9pm. I missed the whole Saturday. I went onto facebook to see messages from my friends that have been trying to contact me all day. I had my phone off and the new guy I am talking to had been texting me. My best friend sent me several emails from upstate, (he gets no cell signal when he goes up there), to see where I was and how I was doing.
Life was just happening around me. So when I try and catch up with everyone and it is now 11:30pm and everyone is tired and going to sleep! And I’m wide awake! I feel lost, alone, behind, out of the loop. Mania takes over and I can’t rest. I can’t even get on a normal schedule. Dam you bipolar. I hate you. I want to be normal. I want to rest at a certain time. I want to be able to live my life when the rest of humanity is living too. I am caught in a bubble. So many things are happening around me to different people. Their lives are changing and mine is ever the same. I feel so left behind. Why have you forsaken me bipolar??!! Let me rest. Stop fucking with me.