Growing up

kissing_965824At thirty two years of age we would think that I would be grown up.  That I would know what the hell this life has in store for me.  Its amazing, opportunites are here staring in my face and I don’t know where to turn.  I still lack the drive and determination I should have, but I am growing as a person.  This break-up taught me so much.  About looking inside myself.  Into peering deep into my soul and taking a real hard look at myself.

Those drunken stupors wasn’t helping anyone.  Falling head first into a bottle didn’t solve the mystery of why I was so miserable.  It was being too comfortable.  Being just satisfied just enough to deal with life and just exist.  I am worth so much more than that.  We all are.

I want a slow dance.  I want a real first kiss.  I look at the faults of my ex-boyfriend and reflect back at my own faults.  I pretended.  I pretended that friendship was all you need.  It may be all you need in your twilight years, but not when you’re a hot young woman in her 30’s.  This is when I should be living.  Instead I was living a slow death.

Time to live.  Time to be alive.

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