So I was literally “gutted” when we broke up. I cried everywhere. everyday. My was heart was torn and ripped apart. Then something happened. A light in my body shining brighter than it ever has. A freedom that I can’t express. I want to do things. I am looking into a culinary school to learn some new cooking skills. I started a diet it took me two years to think about. Let’s face it, I don’t love myself that’s why he couldn’t love me. Embracing my self worth has always been difficult. I feel like I have none.
But not today. Today I will stand up and say yes I am beautiful. Yes I have this bipolar that throws me for a loop sometimes, but I won’t allow it to sink me deeper into depression. I tried that route. Wednesday I went to a bar alone and tried to drown myself in alcohol because the pain was so bad. Then I met a guy (I have no interest in dating). He made me feel beautiful the way he was flirting with me. This made me realize, I CAN get someone else if I really wanted to. Even as fat and ugly as I feel now. I also realize, he could have just been some creep that hit on every woman, but at that moment I felt wanted and now empowered.
Today is a new day, filled with such opportunity and promise. And as I slowly pick up the pieces of my heart that were shattered and destroyed, I realize to myself that I am stronger than this, this will not break me. Once you break a bone, it grows back even stronger than it was.
I loved him and was able to love. I opened my heart to another individual and learned valuable lessons from him and will be forever grateful.
Live for today. I am alone now, yes. But alone isn’t the end of the world. Time to focus on my career and myself, and become the woman in the mirror looking back at me that I can learn to love and admire.
Thanks to the bloggers who reached out to me and gave me advice. It was so valuable and precious to me, and for those of you suffering heartache, there is life after death of a relationship. There is so much life. Just open your eyes and your heart and you will see it.
If I can conquer it, you can too. Anything is possible.