My Complex Boyfriend, is he crazy for staying?

So he’s complex.  Well aren’t I?  We don’t have sex.  Why? Because I feel like a fat toad.  Ribbit.  Ribbit.  Wait that’s a frog?  Ribbit.  Whatever.

I am holding out on him.  But he stopped making moves long ago.  That tells me he isn’t interested in me anymore.  Our phone conversations are dwindling.  We are getting tired of each other and we both refuse to face it.  I guess some nights are better than others, and when I go away and see him this weekend it will be different.  We can actually touch and hold each other instead of a phone.  How I let this become an on the phone relationship is beyond me.  Oh I know why, cause I am a fat and ugly toad.  Ribbit.  Who only has to dress up once a month to see him and its good enough for me.  I can be an ugly toad on the phone cause he can’t see me.  Ribbit.

I often wonder about my mood swings and how he deals with it.   I have hinted the bipolarness at him, and he gets quiet.  I don’t think he wants to admit there is anything really wrong with me.

He told me the other night I make it too ‘”easy” for him.  Yeah cause I love him.  I think he wants a girl to treat him like shit and leave him like his ex.  Then it presents a challenge.  I don’t understand men as much as they don’t understand us.  But would I be lost without him. So I am going to hold on.  Here are some simple words about how I feel

I never wrote a poem for my boyfriend. Until now. I thought it had to be some elaborate Shakespearean, Emily Bronte type thing. It isn’t. Its simple. Some people ask themselves why they are in relationships? Why do we bother? Why do we try so hard? What is the point of all the tears and the heartache?

Its a heartbeat. Its a feeling.  I want to share what love means to me.

If I wrote you a letter

And it floated away in the ocean

With the ripples of the horizon taking it

My words spread across thousands of miles

You are timeless my love

Endless like the waves

No thinking involved

Like the great love stories of old

Just a feeling

I know you are the one

If I wrote you a letter

It would say

Just that I love you

No other words need be said

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