4am and I feel like a screw-up

So I did it, ran off with the White Russian,  Sneaky little bastard he is.  He lured me with all his promises of a good high, instead I ended up a slurred mess with an alcohol soaked bedsheet, which I slept on tonight.  Wow.  That felt good.   Not.  Why do we let our selves get so messed up?  I talked to my boyfriend tonight, he could hear my slurred words.  Asked him again if I smoked cigarettes would he leave me.  He would.  Interesting.  I guess I would leave him if he started smoking too.  Nasty habit that is.  All over the clothes all over the walls.  But you know the same can be said about alcohol.  I swear I can smell the White Russian all over my walls.  As if I blew his head off and his entrails are soaking in my paint on my walls.  Life with bipolar.  You ain’t easy.  Am I depressed now?  I don’t know isn’t bipolar depressive too, and isn’t alcohol a depressant.  Is that why I feel like shit at 4am having dreams about my new blog.  I had a dream about my blog and how many people will like it.  Pathetic.  (insert loser joke here)

Oh Bipolar you have foresaken me again


This entry was posted in Bipolar and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s