Double Life

So I am leading a double life.  One uninhibited.  Where I can be whoever I want to be.  Am I alone out there?  I feel alone.  Like I am the only one engaging in this type of activity.  I mean men do it all the time, but do women?  I guess I should post this in a forum thread instead of a blog, but I am afraid of the responses.  Afraid of the responses in cyber world.  How Bizzaro is that?  Yes, I am aware I said Bizzaro.  Why do I do it?  Because I haven’t had sex in a very long time.  And I don’t want to.  I have a boyfriend and we don’t have sex.  He is not sexual, but maybe he is.  What if he is leading a double life too?  Being one of those guys flashing his weener on cam?  Those guys are so gross.  But yet I strangely engage them in the short two minutes I use to get off.  Let’s face it girls, the men outnumber the women in that arena.  We have many to pick and choose from.  Usually there are chatrooms just filled with men looking for cyber sex and bots who ask them for money.  I have a feeling that’s why they closed down yahoo.  Because of the “bot” problem.

So where does that leave me?  Feeling somewhat guilty I guess.  All these men are random and I never see their faces and they never see my face.  There is no romance just sex.  I wonder where the romance went?  Did I lose my ability to feel romance?  Is it just get my jollies and get out?  Right now it is….

Wonder what tomorrow will bring….

Stay tuned…

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8 Responses to Double Life

  1. Firstdance says:

    Perhaps it is the safety of your world that allows you to
    think and act on the imagination you have and
    the sex you would like to have. By having a boyfriend
    where intimacy is not a part of the physical
    and the emotional, you continue to charge
    a battery that’s never being used.

    Suffice it to say, it must be easier to have
    self contained, non-committed sexual tryst, than
    it is to sit down with the boyfriend and really
    discuss the reality of your relationship and
    whether you two are equally yoked!

    Firstdance~

  2. davidtalks13 says:

    I don’t think you have to feel alone. I’m sure there are hundreds of women who do the same. Some do it for the reasons you do, while others sure are exhibitionists. In the end, truth is that you deserve better than that. No one should use you as an object even if it’s mutual. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need.

    • I wrote that almost a year ago! WOW! My how times have changed. Well whether or not you know from my blogs, the boyfriend is now an ex-boyfriend. It ripped my guts out at first, but its all for the best. I guess he realized the not having sex part of the relationship was very dysfunctional even though both of us weren’t ready to admit it. And you know what, since we broke up I haven’t been living the double life anymore! So weird…..

      • davidtalks13 says:

        I think a relationship without sex is extremely difficult and it takes two people to be equally as committed. That on its own is very hard for a lot of men as their brain seems to be located between their testicles. But even so, intimacy is such an important part of relationships that if either or both person isn’t feeling fulfilled, and it isn’t because it is dysfunctional but just about fulfilment, then it won’t last 😦

      • That’s right. He did mention that there was no spark, and that after almost 3 years, he should be feeling something for me. He didn’t want to have sex. I didn’t want to have sex. We both had issues in that arena. He made me feel uncomfortable where I shouldn’t have been. It scares me to know that if I fall in love with someone I won’t be able to have sex with them.

      • davidtalks13 says:

        I’m a romantic when it comes to sex. But I’m a hopeless idiot too haha. I think there is just a way of knowing, you know. I mean you date someone a few times and there is that build up to that first kiss. The first kiss should be explosive. Something that you both want. And the same for sex. I think if one person isn’t interested, then it will always affect the other person too. I also think that is very much ask join prerogative as to when sex should happen. If a person isn’t comfortable,you shouldn’t push it but just wait. And if you have good communication, you should be able to talk it through. To me, it sounds like your ex was quick to point the finger but not to accept any responsibility of himself.

      • Ahh, if it weren’t only that simple! I used to think there was nothing we could talk about, But apparently we couldn’t talk about that! He would always avoid the subject and never would want to talk about the problems we were having sexually. It was almost like it was a bad word for him and he just didn’t know how to handle it. So when push came to shove he ran. I still talk to him to this day. We are still close and we talk every day. I still haven’t cut him out of my life yet. Fact is, I don’t know what the hell I am doing half the time

      • davidtalks13 says:

        I hope that he doesn’t get in the way of future relationships. Me, I get easily paranoid about exes. I also am insecure and get jealous. So it doesn’t take much for me to start thinking that my girls still hold candles for their exes. That is a flaw of mine!

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